A Paris Plumber

The other evening there was a frantic knocking at my door, it was my neighbour from the apartment below she was complaining of a leak coming from my flat that was running down her wall. We called a plumber who turned up the next morning to sort out the problem. He quickly discovered the source of the leak Then came the bad news; He told me that because the leaking pipe was inaccessible without digging up the floor, he was going to cut off all my water.

Non c'est pas vrai , Monsieur how can I live without water? And how long will it take?

"Well", he explained "we'll have an estimate for you in a couple of days then you'll have to speak to the insurance company and the management committee so no more than a couple of weeks."

2 ****ing weeks without water, c'est pas possible. isn't there anything you can do?

He looked at me in a don't-question-the-master kind of way.

"bon, maybe I can give you hot water in the shower".

We'll that's something, at least, but what about the kitchen?

He sighed "Ok, you can have hot water in the kitchen too."

That's much better but no cold water? It would be great to have some cold water. He lent over the piping in the corner once again exposing his bum crack which I believe is obligatory in his trade.

"Ok you can have cold and hot water in the kitchen but only hot water in the bathroom"

By this time I was so relieved that I'd have at least some water that I was practically, kissing his feet. Merci, merci mille fois monsieur vous êtes très gentil.

And that's how he left it. It was only afterwards that I realized how absurd it was to have to negotiate how much water I could or could not have. Aren't these things black and white to a plumber?

I'm still waiting for an explanation and for cold water in my bathroom.